Ridiculous Text Messages Between Me & a Boy I Used to Date
(After several attempts to get me to hang out with him again)
Boy:Would you like to go to dinner or to the mall with me?
Me:Thank you for asking, but I'm really busy.
Boy:Yeah, sorry if asking you again wasn't cool. I'm glad you had a good time in Chicago and that things are going well.
Boy:Maybe some other time?
Me:Truthfully - past dating history or not - the only real reason you want to hang out with me is because you are lonely. And feel like you have no one else. And even in my friendships - the older I get the more I realize that the people who are there for me the most are the ones who truly want to be there. The people that make time for me because I am - and have always been - a priority in their life. I don't really have an interest in shuffling my already busy schedule around for someone who obviously never even attempted to make me a priority. I do think you mean well and I hope you are happy. But I just don't ever see us hanging out, no matter how many times you ask.
Boy:It's not really that, I just took you for granted. I will admit that. I totally respect your decision to not hang out with me again and if that's what you want, I'll stop pursuing it. If anything I learned from you how awesome and wonderful a person can make me feel. I use this (how you treated me) to compare every other relationship I even consider. Please don't use me to judge other people though - It wasn't right for me to treat you the way I did. You are so wonderful, please please please don't think any less of yourself because of me. I made a huge mistake and I will have to live with the consequences of never being able to spend time with a person who actually understands life, love and friendship again.
Boy:Thanks for treating me so well -- and I'm sorry I never reciprocated.
Boy:By the way, you're so right. The way I behaved... totally childish and you shouldn't sacrifice anymore time on someone who treated you that way. Thanks for being straight forward with me. I never gave you that consideration.
Boy (minutes later, updated his facebook status):Learned something about myself with the help of an old friend :) I'm blessed to have had the relationships and experiences I have had.
So obviously today was spent sleeping and not really eating or drinking all the water (luckily it was my day off from eating.)
All I really had was some chicken noodle soup earlier.
Then, finally, I dragged my butt out of bed at 6 PM and made my way to the gym.
I still felt crappy - but I managed to get a little bit of a run in.
5 minute warmup 5 minute run 5 minute walk 5 minute run 2 minute walk 5 minute run 5 minute cool down walk ______
32 minutes total
Only 2.2 miles ~300 calories
But it took EVERYTHING I had to get that out. I felt like complete crap after - COMPLETE crap. So I dragged myself to the grocery store, bought some stuff to make tonight for dinner and for lunch tomorrow, plus more salad things, then headed home.
I’m planning on doing the Do Life 5K in Pittsburgh on June 6th (!!!) but some friends and I are now officially signed up for The Color Run. It looks ridiculously awesome - and totally worth the $43 to sign up!
Hopefully these two events will be the motivation I need to get my (running!) butt in gear.
“I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. He taught me that if you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it at full speed ahead. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good. Hot is no good either. White hot and passionate is the only thing to be.”—Roald Dahl, My Uncle Oswald (via writer-b)
Three (long!) meetings at work downtown.
Lunch w one of my favorite work colleagues.
Wrapping up things at work for the 4 Day Weekend.
Drive/fight traffic home.
Work online 6-12.
Somehow pack for the weekend.
Up early tomorrow.
Load up car.
Drive to spin buddy’s house.
Leave car there. Take stuff w me.
Go to spin w her.
Shower in gym showers (gross!!!)
Have friend drop me off at airport.
Check luggage. Check in.
Get on plane.
Land in Chicago.
And then - only then! - can the weekend REALLY begin.
To say living with my dad is frustrating would be an understatement.
He’s almost always difficult - no matter what the issue may be.
For example - last night, I decided to make a nice, healthy dinner that I could double and take half of it with me to lunch today. Grilled tilapia, whole wheat couscous, side salad.
THE WHOLE TIME I am grilling the fish on the George Foreman, he’s bitching about it. He hates the smell, he hates “the mess,” he hates that I’m in the kitchen. Now - mind you - I ALWAYS clean up my mess in the kitchen. 90% of the time I clean up BEFORE I eat. I literally fix my plate - and then clean up - and then eat. Crazy? Maybe. But I like to know I can sit down, relax, eat… and I don’t have that nagging feeling of “the mess” hanging over me.
Then this morning - I was making a smoothie.
So tonight, after being at work all day, being at the salon all evening… I get home, take off the makeup, settle down… and I’m starving.
My mom keeps reminding me that she brought home Long John Silvers. I say no thank you - on multiple occasions. I’ll make something else.
Now, I hate even admitting this out loud - but I love me some LJS. The chicken, the fish, the fact that it all tastes slightly the same. SO SO SO (disgustingly) delicious. The crunchies, the hush puppies - oh my, oh my. SO SO SO disgustingly AMAZING.
To say no to LJS… is hard. Really hard.
I eventually work my way over to the kitchen, and there it is. Sitting inside the fridge. I stand there - tired. Not wanting to make anything. Not wanting to pull out the pots or the pans or the foods. Not wanting it to be 45-60 minutes before I can not be hungry.
It’s right there. It’s free. I could just eat one chicken plank or two.
I take it out and start to put it on a plate.
"That sure looks REAL healthy there," my Dad says mockingly.
I swear to God I practically threw the plate back into the fridge.
"YOU’RE RIGHT. I WON’T EAT IT."
Now. I don’t know who I was more angry with… him, for being crabby no matter WHAT I do in the kitchen. Had I made “another mess” it would have been the exact same thing as yesterday and this morning.
Or if I was more angry with myself. Because there I was - embarrassingly enough - caving. Doing what was easier. What felt comforting. What would (temporarily) taste delicious.
Suffice it to say it’s now 9:40 — and I have yet to eat.
Time to suck it up, head back in there, and make a better choice. Even if it involves a mess.
Today was sleep in (my body hurt sooo bad) and make breakfast, before heading to work for a quick 12-2:30 shift.
Just need to leave, workout, pickup my sister’s baby shower gift that finally came in, and maybe visit Grandma before I have to work online all night. And the pickup is bound to be a hassle I’m sure. Burlington hasn’t made ANYTHING easy.
Yeah, I don’t think I really have time for ALL those things either. Wish me luck!