Helped make a coworkers 30th birthday super special - which was GREAT because she so deserved it. And I got a lot of work done, which is always good.
Then - I took any angry or negative emotions leftover from that and kicked some (of my own, already sore) ass at the gym. I did about 45 minutes on the elliptical and then forced myself to reintroduce myself to my old, evil enemy — the stairmaster. I told myself - 15 minutes - just start with that - and we’ll work up from there.
So I did.
A nice solid 60 minute workout. And I felt better.
You are having a really good day at school? And your classes are fun and the lunch is macaroni milanese (your fave!) and you were seated next to the boy you think is cute at story mat time and to top it off…it’s sunny outside at recess? Everything seems to be going well… An extraordinarily lovely day as any day in elementary school can go?
Then that one mean girl in the class calls you a loser at lunch in front of everyone - the whole table - and no one says anything? So you kinda just sit there and hope the moment passes as quickly as possibly? You can’t leave, because it’s lunch and you’re stuck - but you want to? Really want to?
There’s no witty comment or response - your mind goes blank. There is just silence. And then, the moment passes - but the gross, ugly feeling stays long after lunch has ended.
That was today.
That was my lunch.
And even though I’m 27 and not 7 - it’s funny how so much changes & yet so much stays the same.
I was so spent by the end. My eating was much better today than it has been in a week, so that was good! I’m happy that the eating-out-marathon has ended… It’s very fun when a friend is in from out of town, but it’s oh-so-expensive and so-highly-caloric. So yes. Today was filled with nothing but normal food.
I skipped the gym, which originally was needed because I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. Plus I was starving, since I semi-accidentally skipped lunch because work was so crazy. So I wanted nothing more than to go home and make dinner, do laundry and lay down.
Instead, I ended up being begged to work online for a few hours due to a coworkers emergency… which turned into almost all night. I made dinner. I started laundry. Then I worked from 7:30 til 11 PM. Baaaaaah. My brain is fried.
Tomorrow.. there will be more work. But there will also be gymming.
Weekends go so so SO well, you never ever ever want them to end.
The most beautiful February weekend ever in Pittsburgh ends at 8 a.m. tomorrow. Then it’s back to the day-to-day. Which is fine.
(I like the day-to-day.)
But this weekend has been SO beautiful and SO perfect and SO fun, that I will be bummed to see it come to an end. Pittsburgh really has shown its best side since Anthony has been here - and I’ll be sad to see my friend go.
Overslept. Drove to work. Talked to LDH while driving. Worked. Lunched w coworkers & new marketing director. Went downtown. Worked. Like, really hard. Intense concentration. Lots of details. Wave of cramps. More details. WAAAAAAAVES of craaaaaaaamps. Nauseous. More details. Must finish. Work work work. Glance at clock. Realize I need to finish. WORK WORK WORK. OmgI’mgoingtothrowup. Need fresh air. Work. Done! Leave. Get fresh air. Feel better, but still super crampy. And tired. Ohhhh so much to do! Need (chose) to skip gym. Drove home. Hated traffic. Talked to LDH again, while hating traffic. Walked into house. Ate. Ate some more. Ate waaaaaaaaaaaay too much. Collapsed on couch. Fell asleep with fireplace on. Woke up 90 minutes later. Felt even gross-er than before. And hot. Mad crazy hot. Packed. Packed packed packed. Still felt gross. Sat in bed. Facebook stalked. Wrote in Tumblr.
(I swear - tomorrow and Friday and Saturday and Sunday will be way more awesome since my old college friend will be in town. And then Monday it’ll be back to working out and getting eating under control and trying to do all the things I’ve been trying to do like - my whole adult life.)
Spin hit me hard. After getting up early and packing up the house I’ve been house sitting for… Then straight to spin and then the grocery store… Making two huge butternut squash lasagnas… Cleaning up… Showering, unpacking, starting laundry… My body is BEAT.
Finally, the moment I’ve waited for all week. The guilt-free nap.
It was a prime example of waking up - and letting one bad decision lead you right to another.
Nutella. That was the first mistake. Nutella on a white english muffin, with sliced banana. Then lunch at a local (favorite!) place with three coworkers… getting their specials of the day.
Pineapple/Tomatillo/Habanero Soup with Citrus Sour Cream & Pineapple Salsa… is about as absolutely freaking amazing as you would imagine. Spicy. Pineapple-y. Delicious-y.
I also got their Cranberry/Apple Chicken Salad Sliders, with a side of their amazing pasta salad. You can only go ahead & guess at how many calories were in everything I ate.
The specials - though totally worth it - just allowed me spiral to downward.
Dairy Queen. Heath Blizzard (add the extra brownie! Please.)
Then there was everything I ate once I got back to the house I am house sitting for. There was milk (looots of milk) and Cheetos and a peanut butter egg. Crackers. Popcorn. Weight Watcher Ice Cream Bar (I know, what a joke, right?)
Add that with the fact that I’ve been working all day - so no time to work out. Or at least, that’s what I told myself.
I feel absolutely burnt out. Absolutely sluggish. Absolutely embarrassed and disgusted with myself.
But if I’m going to sit here and post about how hard I try and the good decisions I’ve made and blah blah blah - I need to fess up to the bad, right? And today was filled with many bad decisions. Eating just to eat, not because I was hungry or bored or stressed. Just because I wanted to eat. So I kept eating.
Tomorrow is a new day. A spin day (weather pending.) A day I can start over (again) and just accept the mistakes of today and move on. I am so very far from perfect… and I can’t let a day like today derail me.