My alarm went off at 7:20 this morning. The minute it did, I had this feeling of DREAD come over me… the same kind of dread I had when I was 5 years old, taking swim classes up at the high school. If I wasn’t 27 years old, I would have started crying and begging my mom to take me home - even though I was still home and my mom was sound asleep.
I texted my friend to see if she was still going.
F*ck, I thought. (Swearing resolution? Still not going well.)
I went downstairs, washed my face, brushed my teeth and I was basically ready to go. I had slept in my gym clothes — that way I knew I had little reason to be late.
I got in the car and began to drive the 50 minutes to the old gym. The ENTIRE way I tried to calm down by blasting the radio and singing along. I even had my sunroof open most of the way - it was a BEAUTIFUL morning in southwestern PA.
By the time I got to the gym, I was ABSOLUTELY ILL I was so nervous. Which I realize is insane — what’s the worst that can happen? But for as much as I’ve always wanted to try spinning - really, it terrified me more than anything. I wanted to try it to overcome the fear of spinning, not because I actually thought I’d enjoy it.
We were at the gym by 8:35. The spin sign up sheet went up at 8:45. We signed right away and then had 30 minutes to wait before the class would begin.
28 bikes. Four rows of seven, plus one for the instructor. All spots taken within five minutes of sign up. Many people turned away - one girl even kicked out of the class because she didn’t realize there was a sign up sheet.
The instructor, Lauren, had told us to grab her before class so she could help us set up the bikes. And she did. She was SO lovely and encouraging - the same way she is in Hip Hop. Pretty soon, we were on the bikes and ready to go.
The first five minutes of the class were the worst. “I can’t do this - my butt already hurts - I have no strength in my legs - I’m already tired - this is too hard.” Over and over again these negative thoughts ran through my head. “You are so out of shape, you won’t be able to keep up.”
But then? The music really started going. I found a routine… the teacher kept everyone laughing… and I found the groove. Pretty soon I was experiencing that kind of pain that sometimes - you actually enjoy.
Sure my butt hurt like hell.
Yes, my legs were killing me.
I was probably the slowest person in the class -
The most out of shape.
And when the end of the class came, I had sweat POURING off my body. Dripping. I had sweat marks in the most embarrassing of places. And I could barely walk. My legs felt like rubber. And my butt… Ohhh my butt. I still can’t sit without being miserable, and the class has been over for 7.5 hours already.
Yet it has been a long time - a damn long time - since I’ve felt THIS proud of myself. I have never been anything CLOSE to an athlete and I realize this is just a spin class. Just one spin class, on a Saturday morning, in Pittsburgh. There is really nothing special about it at all. I am still not an “athlete” by any means.
But. I felt so proud of myself. So so proud.
And I finally get why people who love spinning - LOVE spinning.