All these girls that go on and on about how ‘we all deserve better’. How we should wait for a guy who will fight for us, and never give up, because that’s what we “deserve”. How we shouldn’t settle for someone who is going to wind up breaking our hearts… Be realistic, for gods sake. You can’t…
I find myself thinking, “You need time to blog about all of this!” But I just didn’t have the time. Or the energy. So, so, SOOOO much has been happening. I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll start where I left off:
Saturday (May 14th) was… High school bestie — Matt’s — birthday party. And by birthday party I mean, we went to see Cirque du Soleil’s Totem. And it was good. It wasn’t my FAVORITE thing ever, but I mean - I can’t even rollerskate, let alone on a table with another person that is pulling me around by a scarf. So who am I to say it wasn’t an awesome show? Then we went out for a drink or two… and finished off the night Pittsburgh-style. And by “Pittsburgh-style” I mean at Primanti’s. Mmmm. Fries and coleslaw on a corned beef sandwich. Heaven.
Sunday (May 15th) was… The Sugarland concert at First Niagra Pavillion. Sugarland was opened by Matt Nathanson and Little Big Town as well. But I was mainly there for Sugarland. It was my third summer of being in love with them and I was hell bent on going. So I tricked three friends into going with me and we planned this day of awesomeness!
Until it rained. All freaking day and all freaking night. And it was an outdoor venue. Luckily, my love for Sugarland could not be ruined — and rain or no rain — we attended the concert. And got SO RIDICULOUSLY SOAKED I can’t even begin to describe it. But Sugarland was everything I wanted them to be and more. I laughed, I danced, I even cried at one point. (Sometimes, certain songs just take you back to unhappy times, but what can ya do?) Luckily, with the rain, I don’t think anyone noticed my tears.
But we’ll get into that later. That is a whole seperate blog entry.
Monday was also THE DAY I GOT AN IPHONE! Which I wasn’t planning on getting at all… but then I went & soaked my phone to DEATH at the Sugarland concert (see: it rained ALL DAY) and I had to get a new one. And it was either spend $140 on a phone I didn’t even want or like… Or bite the bullet and get the iPhone. Which was especially easy since they allowed me to add it to my next billing cycle, which isn’t due til JULY. And yes - I’ll have that in white, please. Or as the fabulous Verizon employee called it, “The new hotness.”
Plus, I had lots to celebrate and so I ran with it. Let the goodness continue.
Then I met up with LDH and Erica to see Something Borrowed. Which is one of my favorite books ever — and even tho the previews of it looked scary (I totally thought they effed it up!)…. It was FANTASTIC. So, so, so good that I am DYING to see it again. To celebrate after, we headed to The Library for a drink & some all you can eat wings. (This blog will return to ‘I worked out & ate healthy things!” blog soon. Just not right now.) And LaLa joined us. Can I say how much I love girl time?
Tuesday (May 17th) was… A really, really exciting day! A day I felt really proud. (A day I will write more about later.)
But it was also a day… that I felt really, really shitty. The level of stress I had on this day and the rollercoaster of emotions was something I did not enjoy participating it - but that’s life, isn’t it?
It was a day where I had to admit things to myself that were scary - and talk about things that were hard. For as good as I felt at one point on this day, I felt the absolutely opposite by the end. For as open of a person as I am, sometimes - opening up about specific things - can just break me down all over again.
Wednesday (May 18th) was… Packing. Packing. Packing. My dad’s (belated) birthday dinner. A funeral viewing for my elementry school music teacher, who I adored. But who was also a really good friend & coworker of my mother. And then a little time at LDH’s parents’ house.
Celebrating the parts of Tuesday that were meant to be celebrated. And being reminded of how awesome my friends are — and how encouragement CAN be everything.
Thursday (May 19th) was… Packing. Packing. PACKING!!! Cleaning up a ridiculous storm. Packing. Packing. PACKING!
And somewhere in there - a quick sushi lunch with LDH & her mom.
But then it was back to packing and cleaning.
Friday (May 20th) was… Working all freaking day. Both jobs. Nonstop. Exhaustion. And annoyance. Times 1000.
Saturday (May 21st) was… The best day EVER. I started my day by sleeping in a little than planned. I found myself laying in bed, chatting on the phone with LDH as she brushed her teeth - when I heard a knock on the door. Figuring it was LaLa wondering if I was still going to the grocery store, I just said, “Come in.”
Only it wasn’t LaLa that opened the door.
IT WAS THE CHICAGO BESTIE!!!!!!
SHE HAD TOTALLY SURPRISED ME AND BOUGHT A (ridiculously expensive) PLANE TICKET THE NIGHT BEFORE AND GOT LALA TO PICK HER UP AT THE AIRPORT!
Oh my god. I haven’t seen her since April of last year, which I think is TECHNICALLY the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other since we met in college? So it was SO SO SO SO awesome and nice that she surprised me. I started FREAKING out and couldn’t get over it! This really was going to be the best day ever!
She spent the afternoon with me - shopping and getting sushi and buying things to make for the “Divorce Party.” The Divorce Party was basically the “End of Kari & LaLa’s Domestic Partnership” before we moved out on Memorial Day Weekend. We had been planning it for months, which is why Chicago bestie decided to come in last minute. She knew I needed the emotional support. ;)
The party went off fantastically well too! There was lots of food and wine and so many, many friends. People I see all the time - people I don’t see nearly enough. There were board games and pictures and I got to wear a new dress. My mom and sister came, LaLa’s parents came and LDH’s parents came. Two babies were there. It was family-friendly and then later, a little more fun.
There is so much I could write about — so many memories or funny moments. Seeing so many of our friends together and how much fun we were all having… knowing my Chicago bestie made the effort to come in for the party (as well as LDH from Findlay!!) meant the world to me.
So I stopped and looked around for a moment at the party.
And I realized how insanely lucky I am to have this life I have been given, these people to love and this rollercoaster to ride. I definitely am not where I expected to be, but I love and embrace this life all the same.
Things may be changing… but some things will always stay the same.
And I hope I am lucky enough to always feel this very loved.
Happy hour with LaLa and our good friend, before he moved to NYC. I laughed. A lot…and it was nice to sit there with friends and talk about everything we’ve experienced work-wise in recent years. It was nice to talk about a possible Me-NYC Birthday Trip in September and all the trouble we could get into then. And it was nice to see a friend stand up & take a chance & live his dream. And say goodbye, even if it wasn’t easy.
It was also a few glasses of wine and a lot of conversation with OMB. The kind of night where other people don’t exsist and all of a sudden, employees are cleaning up around you, trying to remind you the night is over, the place is closed. And yet, the night wasn’t over.
Scary. And exciting. And new. And challenging. More on that later. (Maybe/Hopefully!)
It was also back to the gym for a tough weight-training workout with my workout buddy, who has been MIA for the past two months due to working 3 jobs, one of them being fulltime. It made me sad to realize there are only so many workouts left before my routine has to change. I like routine. But I thrive on change. So hopefully…
The Pirates/Dodgers game with OMB, LaLa and our friend Stan. The Pirates lost, but I sure won. Having the boy I like, my best friend and one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met all in one place, on such a beautiful Pittsburgh night… was perfection. I laughed and relaxed and soaked in every second. And just like that, it was over.
Cousin bonding time. Amy came to Pittsburgh and we enjoyed Girls Night ($5 Martinis!) at Bar Louie, the Jen Lancaster Book Signing (more on that later!), delicious soup at Bravo and a late showing of Water for Elephants (such a beautiful movie!) Everyone should get to have a night like this, because it was definitely awesome.
Brunch with Amy & a little shopping. I bought something that looks like this (okay, so I bought EXACTLY that) and was super thrilled with how it looked. However, my desperate need for new capris and new shorts for the summer was not resolved. I am inbetween sizes it seems and it’s quite frustrating. That & my bottom half isn’t proportioned appropriately.
Then I saw THOR with OMB. Once again proving - I will sit thru anything just to spend time with him. Although, the movie wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be. And him leaning over to whisper “Isn’t this AWESOME?!” was ALMOST as endearing as Gage whispering to me (mid-Yogi-Bear-in-3D), “Cousin K, isn’t this SUCH a good movie?!” Almost as endearing.
Sure, there was a whole lot of work sprinkled in there. And a whole lot of not-packing. And a whole lot of digging a hole in the sand and shoving my head in it to avoid the reality that two weeks from now I will be FREAKING OUT over the fact that I am moving out the next day.
But for now, I’m going to enjoy this funtastically fun week (that is not over! Oh no. Not even close!) And let time slip by. I’ll deal with reality later.
Because for right now - right this minute - I’m happy.
Mess up my bed with me, Kick off the covers — I’m waiting. Every word you say, I think, "I should write down; I don’t want to forget… Come daylight.” Happy to lay here — Just happy to be here. I’m happy to know you…
I know I’m not supposed to be weighing myself (I hate when I get all kinds of obsessive like this) but I can’t help it. And I promise I’ll stop - I won’t do it again until the 15th.* PROMISE.
But I’m inching closer & closer to the 180s, which is reason enough to not mind the stress I am under right now. So there’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for. And I need that silver lining, because I haven’t felt this physically stressed in SO SO LONG.
*Which will be a GLORIOUS day, because it is the Sugarland concert! FINALLY! After loving them for three years and missing them in concert the past two summers, I will finally get to see them in all their live glory. CANNOT WAIT!
So this morning I had this overly-obsessive feeling.
That the 193 was a fluke.
I don’t know why. But I just did. I felt it shouldn’t have stayed the same, it should have gone up. I thought about it all day yesterday, and it was one of the last thoughts I had before I fell asleep. Yesterday was also a pretty crummy day and I guess I was just trying to drag that crummy feeling over to today.
195. Thats what the scale was going to show.
So I dragged my tired ass into the bathroom & got on the scale.
HOW does that happen? How do I slack off majorly on working out and eat out a ridiculous amount and eat Easter chocolate and basically go against everything else I’ve learned and read and understood to be true — and lose weight?
I am now OFFICIALLY a half pound lighter than I was when I left Arizona four years ago. Which was my lowest adult weight to date. Since I originally started losing weight (my highest weight) I have gone down 52.5 pounds - so it feels good to be here again.
But I still feel guilty. I don’t feel I did it the right way… or that it makes sense. Should I just keep not-working out? No. That doesn’t make sense. Should I eat more chocolate? I wish. Should I keep eating out every single meal? Gross. My body is SO tired of eating out right now. It just goes to show me that I don’t understand everything that is going on with my body & probably never will.
However, the fight is still worth fighting - and hopefully lower & lower I will go.
You know, I had an outfit in mind this morning when I got up. I was going to wear my new cardigan with a tank top belted underneath it and some light grey dress pants I haven’t worn in awhile. Now, the way I get ready in the morning is to shower, makeup, breakfast, hair, get dressed. Getting dressed is the ABSOLUTE LAST thing I do before I run out the door. So it’s usually down to the wire.
The pants sagged so much I couldn’t wear them. They looked AWFUL and made me look much larger than I am. Off they came, another pair of pants went on and out the door I went.
And yet I didn’t feel proud. I didn’t feel like I deserved it. My mood just wouldn’t allow it. Maybe it’s the rain?
Even after the ridiculous amount of eating out and lack of working out.
I still managed to stay the same. Which is FANTASTIC. To be at such a low (for me) weight and stick there is really nice. But Easter is over and Kyra is gone so it’s back to a regularly scheduled diet and workout routine, which I desperately need. Because who are we kidding — 193 isn’t LOW. And the number needs to keep dropping.
But still, I did a little dancing jig this morning in the bathroom when I realized I hadn’t blown it completely. Granted, I still blew it - because I GREATLY overslept my alarm this morning. And by overslept, I mean - I never heard it. I slept until 10:15ish and had to hussle to get ready for work in time… which means I not only missed my run but I never responded to my running buddy’s texts. Double fail.
The extra sleep was obviously needed. I’m fighting off some kind of cold, allergy, sinus — something. So I feel more tired than normal.
Anyway, we had a surprise birthday dinner for a friend last night at Hofbrauhaus which went REALLY well. As much as I desperately wanted everything else on the menu, I went with a cup of chili and a salad. And I left dinner feeling satisfied and happy with my choice (especially since LaLa was kind enough to give me a bite or two of her food! Craving satisfied.) Maybe that was karma’s way of saying, “Good choice” when I hopped on the scale this morning.
Or maybe just losing weight sucks because you can’t figure out what your body wants or needs or why it does what it does half the time. But I’ll gladly take this week. And work harder for the next weigh in.